Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2014
BRAIN HARVEST
It's A Guy Thing
Ext: 24 Hour Fitness Center-7 p.m.
Brian and Sydney sitting in Jeep looking at glass window where all the fitness junkies are cycling, working the stair master, and lifting weights.
Sydney
"You know why they face the window don't you?"
Brian
"No, why?"
Sydney
"So they can see their own reflection, admire themselves!"
Brian
"I thought it was an exhibitionist thing, flaunting themselves before the public?"
Sydney
"Oh yea, there's a lot of that, but these guys are impressed with their bodies...they just Love themselves...they are the man...man!"
Brian
"That's just plain disturbing...caught up in themselves like that...anyway, I've never done anything like this, trying to pick up on a guy just so we can take him away for donations...feel like I'm hooking up a trick or something?"
Sydney
"That's it, why don't we sit on the hood and be extra friendly?"
Brian
"I don't care, this is all making me sick!"
Sydney
"So, you want to bail...cancel mission...lightweight?"
Brian
"No...what I need is a beer, maybe just two beers, maybe two beers and a shot, maybe..."
Sydney
"I don't have any beers, but I do have a half pint of red label...interested?
Brian
"Taaka Red Label, like a hundred proof?"
Sydney
"Right on, here..."
About 30 minutes later Brian has consumed the half pint of 100 hundred proof vodka. Feeling confidant he's now out on the hood of his truck, with his bottle of cherry/ strawberry schroom juice...feeling absolutely no pain, trying to remember not to take any drinks from the bottle. One of the athletic junkies come out from the facility, starts loading his gym bag into the back of his SAAB. Brian gets off hood and makes approach,
Brian (a bit tipsy)
"Good morning, evening, afternoon, whatever you're into...care to try this health drink smoothie thing I put together...just hours ago...it is way, no I mean Way off the hook...the beauty is that not only is it quite disturbing, but satisfying, too?
Health Nut
"No thanks...I'm good man!"
Brian
"But, I insist...look it's all natural and only 35 calories!"
Health Nut
"What's in it?"
Brian
"Shh, trade secret, but I can tell you this...there's not a drop of vodka in there!"
Health Nut
"How do you know?"
Brian
"Cause I drank it all!"
Health Nut
"Naw man, I appreciate your offer though, look I got to go!"
Brian
"Come on man, don't you want to be something in life, make your mark, be on top of your game?"
Health Nut
"No, not right now..."
Brian"Really, just like that...a quitter, a has been, no interest, no curiosity...to the idea and concept of what your body could and should look like, and just throwing away the offer to move ahead...what a shame!"
Health Nut
"Look, I'll try it if it will make you feel any better, if you promise to just leave me alone...come on, give me a shot?"
Brian
"No, no never mind...the offer has gone and come, missed a fine opportunity...sorry, you looser!"
Health Nut
"No, I insist, gimme that!"
Grabbing the bottle out of Brian's hand, he proceeds to inhale about 6 ounces (almost half the bottle), Brian still attempting to pull the bottle away from him.
Brian
"Hey man, hold on there...that's way too much health for one sitting, don't Bogart that thing...always remember small sips, small sips only!"
Finally retrieving the bottle, the Health Nut just stand silent for a minute as his eyes start rolling in back of his head, starts violently smacking his lips, then a smile comes to his face, puts both arms over his head and starts howling at the overhead moon.
Brian and Sydney could only stand and stare as the Health Nut starts chanting an ancient Himalayan mantra.
Health Nut
"Ola kla, petra zana pookie, roma goma kelpie, zoe banga maya, doo doo baby, oh yea!"
Brian
"Okay...that was fantastic, that was just great...your in fine shape...look I thought we'd take a little trip, like a team on a mission...you good with that?
Health Nut just totally silent, eyes dilated, looking up at the moon.
Brian and Sydney coax their patron helping him into the back of the Jeep.
Driving over to Tyrone's, pushing buzzer. Opening door Tyrone sees Brian and Sydney propping up a very inebriated Health Nut.
Brian
"All night body delivery, you ordered one large Health Nut with all the fixings sir?"
Tyrone
"Damn, this boy be tripping hard, let's get him to the cot, like stat!"
Strapping him down, he starts to resist frantically, all three of them now sitting on top of him, fumbling with the catches on the straps.
Now Health Nut is doing butt lunges, causing whole cot to hop up and down. Tyrone pulls a vial out of the fridge, takes fresh hypodermic needle, preps Health Nuts forearm, and proceeds to administer injection.
Brian
"More chemicals?"
Tyrone
"Shit yea, this B-12 will stabilize his vargus nerve...cause it be spasming something fierce, without any nutritution it could get bad, way too much juice in his blood, those shrooms be going through him, he could have a cardiac, a seizure, everybody's different!"
30 minutes later Health Nut has stabilized.
All three go into other room.
Tyrone
"You guys did real good tonight...Tyrone feeling the Love, real proud of you two...good team work!"
Grabbing two envelopes from his satchel.
Tyrone
"Here, good job, get paid, everybody good...say you guys be available for tonight...maybe do Fat City, maybe the lakefront?"
Brian
"Yea, I guess...I don't see why not...what about you Sydney?"
Sydney opening up his envelope, seeing 10 one hundred dollar bills.
Sydney
"Hell yea, you can count me in!"
Tyrone
There's more scratch where that came from...just keep bringing them to me...hey look, hate to kick you guys to the door, but I've got a full house waiting for my magic in the other room...they here to donate, gotta get busy!"
Brian
"Heard that, glad all this is working out!
Tyrone
"No man, thanks for playing ball with me, good night!
Walking back to Jeep, Brian turns to Sydney
"Hey, thanks for that little surge of confidence with the Red Label, that did the trick my man!"
Sydney laughing
"See, you didn't need those beers after all!
(Scene Close)
Sydney
"You know why they face the window don't you?"
Brian
"No, why?"
Sydney
"So they can see their own reflection, admire themselves!"
Brian
"I thought it was an exhibitionist thing, flaunting themselves before the public?"
Sydney
"Oh yea, there's a lot of that, but these guys are impressed with their bodies...they just Love themselves...they are the man...man!"
Brian
"That's just plain disturbing...caught up in themselves like that...anyway, I've never done anything like this, trying to pick up on a guy just so we can take him away for donations...feel like I'm hooking up a trick or something?"
Sydney
"That's it, why don't we sit on the hood and be extra friendly?"
Brian
"I don't care, this is all making me sick!"
Sydney
"So, you want to bail...cancel mission...lightweight?"
Brian
"No...what I need is a beer, maybe just two beers, maybe two beers and a shot, maybe..."
Sydney
"I don't have any beers, but I do have a half pint of red label...interested?
Brian
"Taaka Red Label, like a hundred proof?"
Sydney
"Right on, here..."
About 30 minutes later Brian has consumed the half pint of 100 hundred proof vodka. Feeling confidant he's now out on the hood of his truck, with his bottle of cherry/ strawberry schroom juice...feeling absolutely no pain, trying to remember not to take any drinks from the bottle. One of the athletic junkies come out from the facility, starts loading his gym bag into the back of his SAAB. Brian gets off hood and makes approach,
Brian (a bit tipsy)
"Good morning, evening, afternoon, whatever you're into...care to try this health drink smoothie thing I put together...just hours ago...it is way, no I mean Way off the hook...the beauty is that not only is it quite disturbing, but satisfying, too?
Health Nut
"No thanks...I'm good man!"
Brian
"But, I insist...look it's all natural and only 35 calories!"
Health Nut
"What's in it?"
Brian
"Shh, trade secret, but I can tell you this...there's not a drop of vodka in there!"
Health Nut
"How do you know?"
Brian
"Cause I drank it all!"
Health Nut
"Naw man, I appreciate your offer though, look I got to go!"
Brian
"Come on man, don't you want to be something in life, make your mark, be on top of your game?"
Health Nut
"No, not right now..."
Brian"Really, just like that...a quitter, a has been, no interest, no curiosity...to the idea and concept of what your body could and should look like, and just throwing away the offer to move ahead...what a shame!"
Health Nut
"Look, I'll try it if it will make you feel any better, if you promise to just leave me alone...come on, give me a shot?"
Brian
"No, no never mind...the offer has gone and come, missed a fine opportunity...sorry, you looser!"
Health Nut
"No, I insist, gimme that!"
Grabbing the bottle out of Brian's hand, he proceeds to inhale about 6 ounces (almost half the bottle), Brian still attempting to pull the bottle away from him.
Brian
"Hey man, hold on there...that's way too much health for one sitting, don't Bogart that thing...always remember small sips, small sips only!"
Finally retrieving the bottle, the Health Nut just stand silent for a minute as his eyes start rolling in back of his head, starts violently smacking his lips, then a smile comes to his face, puts both arms over his head and starts howling at the overhead moon.
Brian and Sydney could only stand and stare as the Health Nut starts chanting an ancient Himalayan mantra.
Health Nut
"Ola kla, petra zana pookie, roma goma kelpie, zoe banga maya, doo doo baby, oh yea!"
Brian
"Okay...that was fantastic, that was just great...your in fine shape...look I thought we'd take a little trip, like a team on a mission...you good with that?
Health Nut just totally silent, eyes dilated, looking up at the moon.
Brian and Sydney coax their patron helping him into the back of the Jeep.
Driving over to Tyrone's, pushing buzzer. Opening door Tyrone sees Brian and Sydney propping up a very inebriated Health Nut.
Brian
"All night body delivery, you ordered one large Health Nut with all the fixings sir?"
Tyrone
"Damn, this boy be tripping hard, let's get him to the cot, like stat!"
Strapping him down, he starts to resist frantically, all three of them now sitting on top of him, fumbling with the catches on the straps.
Now Health Nut is doing butt lunges, causing whole cot to hop up and down. Tyrone pulls a vial out of the fridge, takes fresh hypodermic needle, preps Health Nuts forearm, and proceeds to administer injection.
Brian
"More chemicals?"
Tyrone
"Shit yea, this B-12 will stabilize his vargus nerve...cause it be spasming something fierce, without any nutritution it could get bad, way too much juice in his blood, those shrooms be going through him, he could have a cardiac, a seizure, everybody's different!"
30 minutes later Health Nut has stabilized.
All three go into other room.
Tyrone
"You guys did real good tonight...Tyrone feeling the Love, real proud of you two...good team work!"
Grabbing two envelopes from his satchel.
Tyrone
"Here, good job, get paid, everybody good...say you guys be available for tonight...maybe do Fat City, maybe the lakefront?"
Brian
"Yea, I guess...I don't see why not...what about you Sydney?"
Sydney opening up his envelope, seeing 10 one hundred dollar bills.
Sydney
"Hell yea, you can count me in!"
Tyrone
There's more scratch where that came from...just keep bringing them to me...hey look, hate to kick you guys to the door, but I've got a full house waiting for my magic in the other room...they here to donate, gotta get busy!"
Brian
"Heard that, glad all this is working out!
Tyrone
"No man, thanks for playing ball with me, good night!
Walking back to Jeep, Brian turns to Sydney
"Hey, thanks for that little surge of confidence with the Red Label, that did the trick my man!"
Sydney laughing
"See, you didn't need those beers after all!
(Scene Close)
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